💌 Dear Ruksi 💌
There is a divide between my inner and outer reality. I feel happy, content and productive on the outside. I see myself and world flourishing as I step up to my responsibilities and choose disciplined regulated living over haphazard choices- it feels great! Yet, inside, there's a frustrating and constant undercurrent of negative feelings... everything from regret, fear, anger, hopelessness, shame.. playing in the background of my otherwise happy life.
Perhaps it's a left over product of past choices, perhaps a desire to control future outcomes... It feels very strange and unnatural to have so much positivity, hope and beauty in my external life, yet so such disharmony internally. It's almost as if there's two perceptions of my one life I'm going on inside each moment lived.
🔹Obscure emotion: When you simultaneously feel two opposite perceptions of reality at a given moment.🔹